Today I noticed some super sketch old Walter White mofo wearing a boonie hat and camo pants tucked into combat boots walking outside the restaurant I worked at, and followed him when he went towards the back door area. By the time I turned the corner, he stole my friend’s bike from behind the dumpster and was about 50 feet down the parking lot lmao.
So I chase him about a quarter of a mile, some lady even got out of the way for him to carry the bike up a ledge lol. Anyway some other white dude, with two “rugrats” in the back as he called them, stopped and waved for me to get in. So it basically turned into Training Day with Jimmy McNulty from The Wire instead of Ethan Hawke, cause of the kids y’know? (If you d’know well then I’m sorry for you because you should probably be watching The Wire instead of reading this bullshit right now)
I didn’t realize there were kids in the back for while, cause the baby was asleep and the other kid was probably just like wtffffff. So for most of the time I was catching my breath and trying to recall if I used any obscenity when I first got in, while also not being able to identify the gender of the kid constantly saying “daddy I gotta tell you somethingggg”behind me. The last one was truly baffling, harder than the test I took yesterday. Still don’t know, didn’t care to look so fuck it.
Alright so I eventually concluded that I didn’t use any foul language. However when he asked what I’d do if we got to him, I did say I’d push him off the bike lol. I was undecided whether or not that was something a 4 year old should hear, so I just apologized for it cause I didn’t realize he had lil niggas in the back anyway. Anywayyyyyyy, we lose him after we get caught in traffic, but it turned out that he recognized the dude as the panhandler down the highway so we exchanged contact info and he said he was gonna drive around after he dropped me back at work.
I told him I was glad to know that there were people like him around, but I could see Richard was genuinely disappointed that we lost him—he looked defeated lol. I don’t know if he also thought it was like Training Day, or because being a dad can get pretty boring and car chases are pretty sick (I’m just sayin, he seemed like he’d been answering the same question for the 20 minutes prior to all this), or just because he’s naturally an unforgiving emissary of justice—regardless ol boy reassured my faith in humanity
HAVE YOU HEARD!? DEATH GRIPS DROPPED A NEW ALBUM!
No I have not. What is it called?
It’s called….um it’s called…. hold on one second…
…It’s called Ni-
Hey guys, whatcha talking about?
oh um n-nothing just the n-new uh Death Grips alb-
NIGGAS ON THE MOON!? OH SHIT THAT SHIT IS TIGHT!
I met lavell crawford today
Two hours later I was eating a gas station po boy in a parking lot and drinking root beer mixed with dr. pepper (pretty good btw)
I used to like not having a lot of friends, now I’m just bummed that I’m not into people :(